Anorexia

Her room is pure chaos, clothes and beauty magazines everywhere. She claims that she is ugly, fat, nobody likes her or understands her. Nothing you say reassures her. You ask her if she has eaten anything? Yes, she did before you came home from work. She is not hungry now. You open the fridge to see if any food has been taken. You search the dustbin to find remnants of her meal. You reveal nothing.

You recall a lovely little girl, clever, artistic, sensitive, timid. She loves pink clothes and Barbie dolls. You don´t know that the other children tease her and say she is fat. You remember at thirteen she gets thinner. You believe she is growing taller until you, after some months, realize she has stopped eating.

You see her putting on layers of clothes and withdrawing from her friends and her family. You watch her sitting passively in front of the television glaring at soap operas and films. On the table in front of her are empty coffee cups and a bag of sugar-free licorice gums.

While you are asleep at night she steals out for long runs, doing 200 sit-ups when she returns, oblivious to the fact that her frail body may break down from exhaustion. Once you catch her training in town, during the day. You take her home in your car, shocked, afraid, angry. She is indifferent. And you wonder where your daughter is, underneath Anorexia and all that comes with it.

You stop asking her whether she needs help. Because you know her answer. In the end you realize that she is in agony and you cannot live her life for her. You have to keep some distance to survive - and find help somewhere.